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Mace and Crown | May 24, 2018

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Faux News is Good News: Donald Trump Hires New Consultant

George Plank
Staff Writer

Republican front runner Donald Trump has set his sights on the main competition across the aisle, Hillary Clinton.

Hillary has not kept as out of the lime light as she would have liked. Despite a recent scandal involving her private email servers she has still somehow managed to keep her head above water in the polls. There may be no coming back from what Mr. Trump has in store for her, however.

“I am proud to announce that we have hired someone who will absolutely ruin Hillary Clinton once and for all. Please join me in welcoming Ms. Monica Lewinski to the winning team.” Trump said over the course of two tweets on his private twitter account.

Ms. Lewinski has worked intimately with Hillary’s husband, Bill Clinton, as an intern in the White House and can say with some authority that she knows all of his moves. She has been the example of decorum despite being pushed back into the limelight after the news broke. She has remained completely professional, smiling to camera crews that again want her picture for the local tabloid and gossip magazines.

Dirt Bagg, editor in chief of the tabloid magazine The National Weasel, had a few things to say about the new political pairing. “Hillary had better watch herself,” Bagg said. “This is the type of dream team that doesn’t come along every four years. Trump is filled with a new found confidence and Monica looks amazing in her newly dry cleaned blue dress. Hillary Clinton had better watch out because if Donald Trump has as deep a relationship with this woman as it seems then it’s going to leave a big stain on history.”

There is no word as of yet how Hillary will react to the recent partnership, however Bill Clinton has already gone on the attack by starring in a television spot with Marla Maples, actress and Trump’s ex-wife.