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Mace & Crown | May 27, 2017

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Faux News is Good News: Trump to Donate Leftover Shirts at Low Prices

Faux News is Good News: Trump to Donate Leftover Shirts at Low Prices
George Plank
Staff Writer

Future President Donald Trump has his share of experience when it comes to being charitable. The Trump organization donates to a variety of sources as well as personally representing the Police Athletic League. Mr. Trump’s generosity does not end there. In the most recent GOP debate Mr. Trump outlined the fate of his “Trump 2016” merchandise post-campaign.

“I believe in giving back,” Mr. Trump said. “I thoroughly empathize with those that have less, as I am constantly surrounded by people who have less than me. After my successful bid for the presidency I will return the benefits to those that don’t have nearly as much. Keep in mind I’m no socialist, I’m no Bernie Sanders, so I won’t be giving these people the goods for free. They will be receiving the shirts for pennies on the dollar. 54 pennies to be exact.”

In private Mr. Trump expounded on these statements. He doesn’t plan on keeping the donations domestic but instead plans to ship the shirts internationally to reach the places that are struggling around the world.

Leading accountants have speculated that Trump may be trying to use these charitable donations to receive a potential tax break. “As long as Trump claims the merchandise as a charitable donation he could potentially pocket the 46-cent discount while still pocketing the 54 cents on every dollar earned,” said Matt Matician, former consultant to Rick Santorum’s campaign.

Trump’s press secretary, Hope Hicks, denies all of these claims; instead insisting that Trump is a pure philanthropist who is only doing this out of the goodness of his heart.

What does this mean for impoverished villages around the world? Soon it may become commonplace to see little children running around their villages wearing clean shirts that say ”Trump 2016” and matching hats that bear the familiar slogan, “Make America Great Again.”

 

This post is part of the Mace & Crown’s ongoing satire series, Faux News is Good News.

  • HappyHuntress

    Trump is very popular, so there won’t be much Trump merchandize left over. Donald J. Trump for President 2016!