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Mace & Crown | April 29, 2017

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Presidential Hopeful Donald Trump Gets High Score at Local Arcade

Presidential Hopeful Donald Trump Gets High Score at Local Arcade

George Plank
Staff Writer

After his visit to Regent University, presidential candidate Donald Trump decided to take in some of the local
attractions and connect with Virginia Beach citizens on a more personal level. While at the oceanfront boardwalk, Trump decided to take a break from shaking hands and visited Flipper McCoy’s, a local arcade.

Once in the arcade, Trump demonstrated he was clearly in his element. After getting change for a hundred-dollar bill in quarters, Trump demonstrated his very adept skills on the machines in the arcade. He showed a surprising prowess on nearly every machine in the building, easily getting through most of the maps in “Cruis’n World,” defeating a majority of the enemies on the “Mortal Kombat 4” cabinet, and earning an astounding 100 percent hit ratio on “Galaga.”

The only machine that showed the presidential hopeful any trouble was the corner claw machine.

“Now watch this!” Trump said, excitedly fiddling with the joystick. “I’m going to get the biggest stuffed animal in there, and it’s going to be huge!”

Despite his best efforts, however, he was unable to get even a single prize from the machine.

“This machine is dumb, and only losers like it,” Trump said with his head down.

Later in the afternoon, Trump finally made his way to the only “Pac-Man” machine in the building. He demonstrated an incredible amount of skill and ability, expertly moving the joystick with precision.

“I’ve always liked Pac-Man,” Trump said during his play session. “He’s doing all he can to prevent invaders from destroying his way of life. This is actually where I got the idea to build the wall from. Don’t worry, Pac. We’re going to make Pac-Land great again.”

After all was said and done, Trump had a score numbering in the millions and easily topped the high-score board on the machine.

“See, what did I tell you?” Trump said. “I know this game backwards and forwards. I honestly could beat Billy Mitchell if I wasn’t too busy.”

Trump then took the time to enter his initials into the machine: G-O-D. One of his supporters that had gathered to see the incredible display suggested that he make an attempt at the Ms. Pac-Man high score.

“Ms. Pac-Man is a loser,” Trump said, “a real loser. She’s a fat pig and a disgusting animal.”