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Mace & Crown | October 23, 2017

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April Fool's: Big Blue Revealed to be Old Man Jenkins All Along

April Fool’s: Big Blue Revealed to be Old Man Jenkins All Along
MC_April-Fools-Image

Artist rendering of Old Man Jenkins unmasked.

George Plank
Staff Writer

Recently, tour groups visiting Old Dominion have been wary of their safety. The growing insecurity stems from the fact that, for the past few months, all tour groups that visit the campus have been interrupted by ODU’s own mascot, Big Blue.

“At first, we thought that he was just there to give prospective students a warm greeting,” said Brittany Belfast, volunteer tour guide. “Yes, we didn’t expect him to be there, but we didn’t think anything of it. Who better to introduce the new students, and skeptical parents to life at ODU other than our own mascot? That was until he started making those gestures.”

Witnesses to the event said that shortly after approaching the groups, Big Blue would proceed to make a wide variety of lewd and generally inappropriate gestures. Students and parents alike were said to have been disgusted and declined to comment.

Not all were driven away by crude nature of our mascot’s actions. One small group of five students knew something wasn’t right and took the matter into their own hands. In the dark of night, they prepared a series of traps to ensnare the imposter Blue.

The next day, as a tour group was passing the Ted Constant Center, Big Blue leapt out to frighten the group and was immediately caught within the trap. The crowd gathered around as one of the students that set up the trap took off his mask to see who he really was.

The imposter was revealed to be none other than Alfred Jenkins, often referred to as Old Man Jenkins by some of the more impertinent freshman, the recluse theme park owner. Jenkins said he had grown embittered after his park was shut down to be replaced by a nightclub just off campus. Jenkins decided to take it out on the students who frequent such establishments and scare away any potential students.

“I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddlesome college students!” said Jenkins as he was taken into custody by the ODU Police Department. He was later found guilty for disturbing the peace and illegally obtaining the mascot costume from a junior’s dorm room. He is now serving two months of community service.