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Mace & Crown | March 25, 2017

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Faux News Is Good News: Donald Trump Admits Whole Campaign Was Bet

Faux News Is Good News: Donald Trump Admits Whole Campaign Was Bet

<h5>George Plank
Staff Writer</h5>

After Nov. 8th’s Election Day results, some new information has come to light regarding the man known as Donald J. Trump. During his speech, late Tuesday night, Donald Trump confirmed that his entire campaign had been a bet.

“Look, it was just a bit of harmless fun. Warren Baby was over and we had one too many, so we started playing truth or dare. It started off simple enough. Prank call Gary Busey, sell low buy high, usual prank stuff, no one was being harmed. Then, out of nowhere, he brings up the time I ran for president in 2000 under the Reform Party, and I tell him, I say, I could’ve won, if I ran with a major party. Then he says, ‘Wanna Bet?’ and I say ‘Usual stakes?’ and I gotta say, that is the hardest that I ever worked for one dollar.”

Analysts have confirmed that “Warren Baby” refers to investor and philanthropist, Warren Buffett, who as of now has been unavailable for comment.

Trump supporter, Stu Born, says he has nothing but solidarity for Mr. Trump’s actions. “I would have done the same thing. Do you have any idea what we can get at the dollar store now? They have Hot Pockets now. Wherever D.J. Trump is, I’m sure he’s eating good tonight.” Many of Trump’s supporters seem to agree with Mr. Born’s notion, citing this as another example of Trump’s, ‘good business skills’ and “shrewd decision making ability.”

As for the location of the dollar, neither person’s bank account has a discrepancy of a single dollar. Many are still unsure as to whether or not the losing party has made good on their bet.

Donald Trump summed up the evening, and put all naysayers to rest with his closing statement. “If you think a dollar is bad, you don’t want to know what I’d do for a Klondike Bar.”