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Mace and Crown | May 22, 2018

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Creative Enclave: "composite lover" by Josh Whitener

composite lover

 

by Josh Whitener

 

late July I sat, parked

engine running, radio low

only a commercial and no melody

I was angry

at a cornucopia of things

you: for not choosing me

myself: for making you a composite lover

how I doted on my mother

at my father

for showing me love was a spectrum

but that happiness is in small doses

anger was a bitter penny under my tongue

it was the smell of the cat shit

lodged like mortar in my boot tread

angry at a stolen childhood

angry I have to write to be intimate

communicative, respectable

to simply be

I wanted Eddie Vedder to validate it all

or any godless, awe-inspiring musical genius

to sway me into motivation to act,

to run to your door,

throw myself at your feet,

tell you through clenched teeth,

pleading: “I don’t want to go through these years this way.”

but no song played when I wanted it

only at eleven miles gone

towards the Courtney Campbell Causeway,

plotting a phoenix equivalent resurrection

still on commercial break