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Mace & Crown | March 25, 2017

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Faux News Is Good News: Hillary Clinton Exhales After Full Year

Faux News Is Good News: Hillary Clinton Exhales After Full Year

<h5>George Plank
Staff Writer</h5>

History was made, Tuesday night, when reporters officially announced that Hillary Clinton would become the 45th president of the U.S. This was a historic moment for America and for women around the world. This has provided opportunities for people across the nation, but most of all it has given Hillary Clinton the opportunity to finally exhale.

According to the President-elect, she had not been able to exhale properly during a majority of the presidential campaign. The election had been neck and neck ever since both candidates were declared nominees by their respective parties. This stress caused Secretary Clinton to tighten up, and her body refused to let her exhale until the election was over.

Sources close to the Clinton camp say doctors were called in to examine the Secretary of State, but all left without any guess as to the medical cause of her affliction. Evidence of her affliction was seen during the weeks leading up to the debates. To relieve some of the pressure on her lungs, Secretary Clinton had taken to coughing to alleviate the strain of not breathing out for such a long time.

According to reports, many Clinton supporters had also been afflicted by a similar condition during the election, but once the election period was over, a majority of the country breathed a collective sigh of relief with the results. Donald Trump, who suffered a similar affliction, can now finally inhale, after doing nothing but putting out hot air for a year-and-a-half.

Only time will tell how the future will look under the Clinton Administration. Hillary has her back to the past, and is ready to move forward with another historic moment in U.S. history. As for Bill Clinton, he’s just excited to get a copy of “Hustler” he hid in the Oval Office in 1996.